Life and Love

YEAR THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

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Last year is definitely the best year of my life, which does not mean the easiest and the most beautiful but the most important! It was a year with many ups and downs, with failures, success, extreme happiness and sadness. Yes, it was a dynamic year but the one that brought the best out of me.

When I look back I understand all my unhappiness, sadness and dissatisfaction, I wasn’t real me, I wasn’t what I wanted to be, I wasn’t doing what I wanted to be doing and I knew it wasn’t right and as well I didn’t know how to get to the right path. Last year like a thunder from a sky brought it everything at once.

Exactly a year ago I was in China, I was waking up every morning unhappy and telling myself I have to do something, I have to change something. But what to do and what to change, alone somewhere in the middle of nowhere?! Sadness and unfulfilled potential gave me sickness, I was trying to improve my health with food and supplements but everything was in my head and heart. We can’t solve the problem on a physical level if the problem is in our heart, the emotional level.

CRUCIAL MOMENT WHEN THE CHANGE BEGAN

The beginning of last year I started to write. I started to write about all my feelings and my inner fight. And exactly when I started to write I began to feel better, I still remember that park in Hangzhou, the river, coldness and the first piece of paper I wrote. I didn’t know what did it mean and what I was going to do with this piece of paper but my gut feeling told me it was something right. I had inexplicable certainty that I was turning to my right path, the certainty that I was not lost anymore and that felt so good.

The rest of my contract in China, hard work, shooting summer collections outside couldn’t do anything to me; I was just feeling good about myself. I read in one book “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you”, so if you are not good with yourself nothing is going to be.

TRIP OF MY LIFE

The first time in many years since I have been traveling and doing modeling I went straight from one contract to another. After three months in China, I flew to Thailand where I spent the following three months. Basically, I moved from 0 into 38 Celsius. My body was in shock and I wasn’t feeling good at all even I really liked the city, people and actually everything there. The first few weeks I was going to the hospital, I took acupuncture, Chinese natural healing, I ate healthily and tried everything possible but it wasn’t helping me. I was on the edge to give up. My health was stopping me from achieving goals and I couldn’t hold it anymore. Day by day I was holding my phone and thinking of calling my agent and asking him to change my ticket and go back home. During all my struggling no one knew what going on with me, except for my family and very close friends.

The day when I was sure I was giving up, I got editorial for L’Official magazine, it was an omen. This editorial supposed to shoot my roommate but as in the last moment she got another very important job, the stylist chose me. Later on, this job brought me many other jobs and people that literally changed my life. An amazing team of people organized shooting on Koh Phi Phi where I had the most wonderful time of my life; there are no words to explain that. For that kind of moments, it is worth to be alive!

Paradise 😊 #thailand #thai#phiphiisland #phiphi #island #summer #beach #beachlife #travel #travels #traveling #aroundtheworld #travelthailand #traveeltheworld #enjoylife #liveauthentic #blue #water #bluewater vieОбјав коју дели Makelly Cvijanovic (@makelly.cv) дана

On this memorable trip where we spent one day on Krabi, one day on Koh Phi Phi and one more day in Phuket, the idea of writing a blog just came up. I am not really sure in which exact moment but I think it was on the small wooden boat from Krabi to Koh Phi Phi.

After my health got better, I started to write more and more and I fell in love as well. I feel in love with someone who brings all the best out of me, all hidden emotions, feelings, inspirations, laugh and love. Behind the brick walls, strong personality and attitude – it was actually real me. This wasn’t strong, sometimes arrogant girl anymore but someone who laughs from the moment she open her eyes till late hours when she refuses to go to sleep because she doesn’t want to miss not a minute of her happiness. But this is a long story and it is a story for a book.

BACK TO REALITY

After Thailand, it took me months to recover from extreme happiness and accept the reality. It was huge sky fall. Months and months I isolated myself into my room and just read and wrote in a circle. Stories were coming out from my mind and heart and I tried to stay focus, and not to think about circumstances.

A wonderful Europe trip in Budapest, Prague and Zurich followed, and then two months contract in Beijing for modeling. As I was working on my inner health months earlier, those two months in China were just hard physical work. Not that I didn’t have time to write I didn’t even have time to sleep and eat. However, I survived it and got back to writing. In autumn the blog was ready but I wasn’t ready for that step so I waited until my birthday 9th of December when I launched it. In between, I got a job as a social media manager in one company, where I met wonderful people and somehow it brings me self- confidence that had somehow been lost on the way. The first day of my new job I also got another contract for modeling in South Korea.

Everything happens exactly how it is supposed to happen and mostly we can’t do much about it.  I believe that everything is written somewhere, follow signs and your gut feelings and you never know what wonders are waiting for you somewhere in this world.

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